Hookups: Desire at its finest
By: Sonia Aquije
College students hook up all the time, but lines are blurred when dealing with the aftermath. No one is safe from some type of disillusionment. When all signs point toward commitment and sex happens before there is any certainty, you are left confused. Perhaps it’s morals or the uncertainty of life right now. Did he or she want more than sex? Did I not give off the right signals? Did I scare them off or was I in love with the idea that there was something more? Or was it just sex with minimal attachment?
Often hooking up does work out but sometimes it doesn’t. It all depends with whom you hook up. Hooking up is like Chinese food because it’s amazing at first, but after a few more times you get sick of it. It’s what you crave at the moment, but it doesn’t completely satisfy you like a homemade meal. It’s like a child who is never satisfied with a new toy and keeps replacing it weekly. It’s like the medication doctors can’t prescribe, all fun. We meet people at parties, school, or work and through social media. Websites are catapulting us to take risks with people we’ve only talked to a few times. There needs to be a reason why people choose to hook up. Perhaps, you feel a connection or is it all pleasure? Is dating not enough or a farfetched illusion?
Students like S.U. met John four years ago through a mutual friend, when she was a junior in high school. He was the kind of guy she wanted to date; he was her version of Jim Morrison. John was what she wanted minus the baggage. They were each other’s rebounds, but to her it was the first time she had ever felt alive. He was everything a woman wants: a gentleman with a sensitive side. However, that’s how the cruelest of men hide. They had been on and off. They’d try reconnecting every time, first as friends but they’d end up hooking up. They’d share birthdays together and talk every day; typical couple habits. John was someone who had given her both sadness and happiness.
When they hooked up after sometime of talking, it wasn’t what she had hoped for. It was weeks after the hookup that she realized she had to let go of him for good. He had spent the night and talked about how they both felt something had been missing. S.U. had felt that morning that she wasn’t as enthralled with the idea of being with him. Something had changed, but she still wanted him. It was awkward afterwards and she asked him, “Did I do something wrong?” He blamed the inconsistent communication on himself: he’s busy, unhappy and needs to focus on school and distance himself from the world. They haven’t spoken since. S.U. describes this as a long, eventful hookup; it was never a relationship.
S.U. doesn’t regret the hookup, but she wishes for a real relationship and remains confused about whether she wasted her time on something that wasn’t ever real or serious.
C.A.’s hookup was a typical college one with no attachment. She had met Seth through Facebook and talked over the summer. She randomly texted him about parties and he invited her to one at Rutgers. He picked her up on his motorcycle; it was their first meeting. They both had a fun night, although he was immediately possessive. He acted like they already were going out, letting his jealousy show. That night, he returned to her dorm to hook up, even though that wasn’t her intention.
Seth was forward and she wasn’t going to give in, and they randomly began a conversation about life, relationships, future and family. It was a surprise to him because he thought he was going to get her to bed quick. Only after their conversation did they hook up; he bought her breakfast at a Colombian restaurant the following morning. They don’t talk anymore; it was mutual.
C.A. doesn’t regret the hookup but she doesn’t plan on doing it again.
“No, I wouldn’t hookup again; I like belonging to a person,” said C.A. “I would want to be in a committed relationship rather than hook up again.”
R.S. hooked up with Nic after meeting him on Grinder.com. They talked for a couple of days before they both met up for sex. They had talked about past experiences and what they liked in bed.
The hookup wasn’t awkward afterwards. Over a three month period, they had sex five more times and would talk and hang out. However, Nic became possessive and R.S. didn’t want a relationship. R.S. became annoyed; this was supposed to be a no-strings-attached hookup. Nic would text annoyingly like he was R.S.’s boyfriend. R.S ended it and stopped hooking up altogether.
“He was 36 and divorced,” said R.S. “I’m attractive, so it’s understandable why he’d get attached.”
R.S. also said he doesn’t regret the hookup.
“I wouldn’t mind hooking up again, but I don’t want a relationship,” said R.S. “I’d rather have a casual encounter than a false idea of security that’s a relationship.”
Hooking up might not be for all, but you won’t know if it works for you until you try. Some prefer not to be emotionally vulnerable despite the commitment-free label on hooking up, while others just want casual hookup buddies that know what the boundaries are.
Some people don’t want a relationship and resort to hooking up because they don’t want to invest their time and energy into a relationship. Such was found to be the case in a The New York Times article. “Sex on Campus: She Can Play That Game, Too” by Kate Taylor focuses on hookup culture at the University of Pennsylvania and how women don’t want commitment because it’s extra work.
Several women interviewed by Elizabeth Armstrong, a sociologist at the University of Michigan, would say things along the lines of “A relationship is like taking a four-credit class,” or “I could get in a relationship, or I could finish my film.”
Nothing is ever that simple. It’s an instinctive drive to have what you want quickly; a temporary sexual fulfillment of lust.