Bonnet Talk: What It’s Like Being a Black Woman 

By Tyra Watts | Published April 16, 2022

As Women’s History Month comes to a close, Kean University’s Pan-African Student Union (PASU) hosted an event called Bonnet Talk on Tuesday, March 22, at the Nancy Thompson Library VISER Room.

The Pan-African Student Union is a cultural organization that unites all people of African descent to a greater awareness of self. Its mission is to provide knowledge and empowerment of pre-colonial roots so that people can provide strength for the future.

The union is run by President Esi McNeil, a senior majoring in Education and minoring in African Studies.

Bonnet Talk is an event where students discuss stereotypes about Black women and how it affects the confidence and interpersonal relationships of Black women, as well as what it means to truly “see” Black women.

The event was run by PASU Treasurer Samatha Horace, a senior majoring in Biology and Psychology.

Horace drew inspiration to create Bonnet Talk from comedian Monique Hicks (professionally known as Mo’Nique), who went viral last May for her take on Black women wearing bonnets in public.

Bonnet Talk kicked off with a New York Times YouTube video featuring Houston rapper Megan Thee Stallion titled Megan Thee Stallion: Why I Speak Up for Black Women, which was narrated by the rapper.

The video focuses on the hardships that Women of Color (WOC), particularly Black women, often face within society.

The event transitions into a presentation about intersectionality, a concept named by American advocate Kimberlé Crenshaw. It is the understanding of how aspects of a person’s social and political identities combine to create different modes of discrimination and privilege are shown. For example, when it comes to understanding women’s health, you have to consider other social categories such as class, ability, nationality, religion, age, or race, to gain a better understanding of women’s health concerns. In the case of Black women, they have to go through struggles such as being a woman (e.g. misogynoir, the patriarchy) and being Black (e.g. racism, stereotypes).

Following intersectionality was a slide about the different stereotypes of Black women, such as the “Jezebel”, which portrays Black women as promiscuous, the “Mammy”, which depicts Black women working in a white family and nursing the family’s children, and the “Sapphire”, (aka “The Angry Black Woman”), one of the most popularized stereotypes of Black women, portraying them as rude, loud, and stubborn.

A compilation video of how Black women are talked about in the media was then shown. The video includes R&B singer Queen Naija, describing the people that bullied her growing up as “Black, little nappy-headed girls,” and that “ugly people” always bullied her.

This led to the next slide of the presentation, a discussion with a series of questions that varied from identity and perception to negative comments to dating experiences (both good and bad).

On the question of how we identify and perceive ourselves, Horace was vocal about how Black women have to constantly prove themselves to society.

“We always have something to prove, and it’s not healthy,” Horace stated.

The bulk of the conversation occurred on the topics of negative comments and dating experiences as a Black woman. With negative comments, most of the attendees expressed their experiences of hearing comments mostly from friends and family members.

The comments ranged from friends asking the attendees about the quality of their natural hair to their white and Non-black FOC (Friends of Color) saying the N-word.

When it came to family, Horace shared her experiences of hearing negative comments from her Haitian family when she wore hooped earrings around them, and how it affected her.

“If you hear it enough, you’re going to feel it,” Horace said.

When talking about dating, statistics showed that Black women were less likely to get a response from men of all races on dating apps.

“There are people of all races who love black women,” McNeil said. “It’s just that the negative side is always amplified.”

The discussion of dating as a Black woman then transitioned to the Bumble situation, which involves the tragic death of Lauren Smith-Fields, who was found dead in her apartment after her Bumble date. The situation highlighted how the police did not take the case seriously. It also highlighted how Black women, in general, are not taken as seriously compared to their white counterparts.

Towards the end of Bonnet Talk, there were a few slides about sisterhood which provided good advice such as uplifting your sisters, protecting black women, and remembering who you are.

With protecting black women, Horace suggested creating a safe space for them and checking your politics (e.g. what things do you support that may harm the livelihood of black women), joining organizations, believing in black women, and most importantly, leaving several seats for black women at the table.

Horace also expressed how essential it is to uplift your sisters by educating others.

“You’re learning and passing on knowledge to the next group of women,” Horace stated.

If you are interested in attending events by Kean University’s Pan-African Student Union, you can follow them on Instagram @keanpasu.

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