Turning 30 in College

By Joshua Rosario | Published by April 13,2018

Turning 30 hovers over you like the unpleasant and lingering smell of Axe Body spray. Everyone you know reminds you you’re turning 30. I can’t help but wonder if they think I can’t keep count. You would think I stopped counting at 21. I have never been that drunk… at least this year…month…week. 

When you turn 30 in college, you think your classmates are wondering who brought their dad to class.  No one really cares. You sometimes endure people’s shock when it slips out your mouth. “ Wow! You don’t look 30.” You listen with all your insecurities and hear “ Wow! Where did you screw up in high school?”  

You hear all the clichés. People tend to think they are so profound like they gave me the keys to life. “Everyone goes through life differently.” “It’s better late than never.” “It’s never too late.” Someone once told me we all peak at different points and I could peak at 50 or 70. Deep inside I’m concerned I peaked at three years old. What if me getting potty trained was the highpoint of my life?  

I just feel like most people want to tell you the good things about life, but never the bad. People tell you you’re going to grow up someday get a car, get a job, buy a home, get married and maybe have kids. When you’re a kid no one tells you about the upkeep, that Human resources is there to protect the company not you, that while a mortgage is less than rent you still got to afford a down payment, that punching someone is assault even if you tell the judge he had a punchable face, or that the economy is something everybody pretends to understand. 

So to those entering their twenties I want to share what I wish I knew. Your parents opinions should sometime be ignored. They mean well but you’re an adult now, you should know they can be wrong. Remember they can barely program their cell phone.  

Some days you won’t be sure whether you’re going to laugh or cry. The line will thin between them and you’ll laugh in public, so no one panics. You get home then you can’t find the remote or the most mundane problem and start crying as if you just saw Mufasa die for the first time. Even worse like when you first saw Chucky in Rugrats find the picture of his dead mother. It feels as if you’re a flight attendant pretending the plane isn’t crashing. 

You will feel like you’re falling behind everyone else in your age group, especially amongst old high school classmates. On social media they might seem like they are living the life, but I promise you they aren’t always. I ran into a high school classmate who made me feel inadequate about where I was in life. The next day I saw them again outside their job going through the same emotional turbulence of dread and misery I feel too. I felt great watching not because I want to see them suffer but because I’m not alone and haven’t found what brings me joy. Okay….it was a little because I enjoyed seeing them suffer. 

Last, no one really cares. They care to a point. You ever had a friend cry while you’re trying to watch your favorite show. You always feel bad because you know the right thing is to see if they’re okay. You really want to ask them “ Do you have to cry here? Can you cry in private in the shower like a normal person?” They feel that about you sometimes. I’ll be doing this on my birthday because I am a good person who doesn’t burden others with my problems. Unless I’ve had too many drinks then all bets are off. Just don’t ask how’s life and I won’t yell “IT JUST WON’T END.”  

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